I'm a wreck

I didn't think it was going to be this hard to let my class go this year. I knew I would be sad but I was pretty inconsolable actually. I kept it together at school~ got a little teary with some of the cards and letters I received (I asked for no chocolate- just letters~ got both) and was a little blue after the last massive group hug but I was doing okay.

Then, that evening, at knitting group, people were talking about their plans for the upcoming days and weeks and I remember that I stopped knitting because I was going to joke about not knowing what I was going to do with my time and then it just took my breathe away because I realized I was not going to see my kids again like that ever. And I started to get really sad. I just put my knitting down and stared at my lap because I was just overcome with the realization. Lara next to me asked me what was wrong and when I went to tell her I just started to cry. The poor knitting group. One moment I'm joking away about goodness know what and next thing I'm weeping into my yarn. But yeah, I couldn't make my sadness go away and I had to leave. I just kept on all night with those silent tears you know? Like your doing something else and you realize you have tears on your cheeks.

I don't talk about my class a lot because of various things. But I mean, just a little, cause this year was special. My first class. I'm so proud of them. It was the best way to end the year~ the two kids I was worried about becoming bullies last year gave me incredibly heart-felt letters, when I opened my desk after recess and it was full of paper airplanes I didn't even get to guess who it was because they ran right into me and gave me a bear-hug, I had a 'no I'll miss you more!' competition with one of my dear dear students who came to us last year from the Phillipines, and from my little student who barely speaks English I received a pink post-it note covered in flowers and hearts.

Decorations from the year-end dance.

Distracting myself is going to be a big focus for getting through next week. Thankfully I have two canvases prepared and, um, some yarn. That's three skeins of STR in Bleeding Heart, three skeins of STR in Puck's Mischief, and just one skein of STR in Carbon Dioxide; otherwise known as two Whisper Cardigans and a pair of socks.

Spike also has big plans for the next week.